Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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