Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
