he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
