I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
