is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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