last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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