i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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