You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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