Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
