Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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