My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
