I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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