I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
