I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
