im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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