I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
