yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
