xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
