Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize