i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
