I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
