please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
