I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your cock deserves a montage
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
