There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
