You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
