I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize