I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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