It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
