He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
