There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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