I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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