Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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