Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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