tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
