There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pants are for mortals
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize