good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
