I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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