they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
