Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
