You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
