Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
