So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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