the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
