Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
