I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
