i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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