I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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