i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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