Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
