But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my liver is dry heaving
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
