your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
