Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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