I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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