for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
