omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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