Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
