i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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