I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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