Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
