when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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