You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
