Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
