Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
