you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
