Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize