Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
