Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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