I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
