I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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