I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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