i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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