He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
