I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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